~ Live fast, Die pretty. ~

Quotes from the best book, I have ever, ever read.

The thread

Wish you could turn off the questions, turn off the voices, turn off all sound.
Yearn to close out the ugliness, close out the filthiness, close out all light.
Long to cast away yesterday, cast away memory, cast away all jeopardy.
Pray you could somehow stop the uncertainty, somehow stop the loathing, somehow stop the pain.

Act on your impluse, swallow the bottle, cut a little deeper, put the gun to your chest.
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Cloistered

I can't remember when it has snowed so much, yards and yards of lacy ribbons, wrapping the world in white. Was it 3 years ago? Ten?
Memory is a tenuous thing, like a rainbows end, or a camera with a failing lens. Sometimes my focus is sharp, every detail clear as the splashes of ice, fringing the eaves; other times it is a hazy field of frost, like the meadow outside my window. A lawn? A parking lot? Is it even a window i'm looking through, or only cloudy panes of vision, opening on drifts of ivory linens- soft cotton, crisp ercale- my snow just a blizzard of white noise?

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I hate this feeling,

Like i'm here, but i'm not, like someone cares, but they dont. like i belong anywhere but here and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the feb air. i condsider the streets beyond, bleak as the bleached bones of wilderness scaffolding my heart. just a stone throws away.

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Just another day,

Trying to keep my head above water-the azure water im sliding down into now. too much confusion. too much upset. too much time without a mood adjuster. im sure im not the only one either. the pill patrol better put it in high gear.

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Memory is a tenuous thing....

Flickering glimpses, blue and white, like ancient decomposing 16mm film. happiness escapes me there, where faces are vague and yesterday seems to come tied up in ribbons of pain. ( There must be happiness out there somewhere, but i can't find it)
Happiness? i look for it instead in today, where memory is something i can still touch, still rely on. i find it in the smiles of new friends, the hope blossoming inside. (Scary but accurate.)
My happiest memories have no place in the past, they are those i have yet to create.

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Tonys kiss

Its like no other kiss ever
it wants, but does not demand
it asks, but doesnt take
it gives and pleads for more
it is filled with desire,
but also curiosity, and it
teaches me that a kiss
should come gift wrapped,
not stripped naked.
most of all, it makes me
want another kiss
exactly like this one.
it will not be tonight.